A VOID THAT I COULD NOT FATHOM
I was born in England and grew up in Jamaica with my parents and two sisters. My fondest childhood memories were our adventures in Florida for vacations, curry goats, and my mother’s rum cake! She did not make the spongy kind of rum cake. She made the very dense kind. The kind you could get inebriated from eating! I received my bachelor’s degree and graduate degree in the United States. I lived and worked in England for about five years and then returned to the United States. I met my current husband, and we have been married for over twenty years.
My life has had bumps and obstacles, but one incident shook my entire foundation.
- Karen Jones
I love my parents. I know parents are not supposed to have a favorite child, but I believe I was my Dad’s favorite of his three daughters… (shhh, don’t tell my sisters!)
It was a Tuesday, and I called him to tell him I was coming home to Jamaica to visit him on Friday. He responded, “Friday”? I said yes, Friday because that was the earliest I could arrive. I booked my flight for Friday morning.
The phone was ringing. Why is the phone ringing? Immediately, it hit me. It was 2:00 AM Friday morning. I answered, and my sister was crying. My father had passed before I was able to get there. While he was having health issues, his passing was unexpected. After hanging up with my sister, I sat at the top of my stairs, broken and sobbing. My husband had come to the stairs where I was sitting.
I looked at him and said, “What am I supposed to do now”? My Dad was my biggest role model and my biggest cheerleader. He was my example of everything. And now he was gone, leaving a void that I couldn't fathom.
My husband and I took on the responsibility of handling my Dad’s funeral and his affairs. We unfortunately knew what to do because we had just lost my husband’s mom six months earlier. My Dad was respected in his community. My Dad’s church service was packed.
My husband and I, along with my grief, returned home. Once home, it felt like my whole foundation, the ground my feet had been firmly planted on, was gone. My mother died not too long after my father passed. My self-care did not hold up while I was grieving. I had to pause and ask myself what was going on. What am I doing? I realized I had been sleepwalking through life, which was not how I wanted to live.
During this time of grief, I leaned heavily on my Christian faith. I also found immense support in my husband and our network of close friends and family. I came to understand that life is not a solitary journey. It's about having your people, your tribe, those who have earned your trust and are there to support you.
Today, my self-care is back on track! It's about prioritizing myself. I make time for the studio three times a week. I’ve learned to say “no” at work. Having a regular appointment at Fit Chicks helps me maintain my boundaries. I’ve realized that I can't always be there for everyone while neglecting myself. I've created space for myself to relax. I've overcome the guilt of saying “no.” I've chosen to make the most of my life when I can.
I have learned that investing in myself is worth it!