I Didn’t Know That Heart Attack Was Even A “Box” That I Needed To Check!!
The phone rang, it was late. The caller said “... he had a heart attack.” My first thought and response was, “Wait! No, you mean he had a seizure!” She said, “No, it was a heart attack, he had a heart attack.” I thought NO, NO, NO! This can’t be!! I had spent all my time worrying about seizures because my husband has epilepsy. I am a planner and a “box checker” and I had planned for what to do if he had a seizure. I had spent NO time worrying or planning for a heart attack!! I had checked the box for seizures and had a plan ready!! What am I going to do? I didn’t know that heart attack was even a “box” that I needed to check!!
I grew up in Iowa. I have a younger brother. We grew up together with our parents living what I would call a very “routine and normal” life. We had family vacations, with family. My mom cooked our meals, some of which came from the crockpot, which I detested!! Mushy meat and mushy vegetables … gross! My brother and I played in our neighborhood with neighborhood kids. We went to school. I was a LOVER of school! I always have been. School came easy for me, so what’s not to love! I ran track in high school. I wasn’t good at it, but I did it. In short, I did all “the things” some would say you are supposed to do … went to college, got married, had a family.
We have 3 children. My oldest is from my husband’s first marriage. I think the first real challenge I faced as an adult was instantly becoming a parent to my husband’s son, once we were married. Thankfully, we were able to figure that out. My husband and I soon learned that adding to our family would come with challenges. We learned that we had infertility issues. It took us 4 years to become pregnant and to have our first daughter. It took another 4 years to become pregnant and to have our third child, and second daughter. There were some really hard years during this time of trying to get pregnant. At the same time, these years were also filled with blessings and miracles. And I’m grateful.
As I look over our lives, I can see that God had a plan for us. I believe the way my children were conceived and who they are was very intentional on His part. They are amazing young people! If I had gotten pregnant at different times in my life, I believe they would have been different kids.
Trusting can be hard.
My nephew and his wife went through something similar. And when you are in that moment, you don’t know what the outcome will be … will you conceive, … will you adopt, … will you be childless.
I think about how I used to lay awake at night and I think about these issues and problems. I’d think to myself, how am I going to solve them? Can I come at them from a different direction or what if I tried this or that? And I’m realizing what I could have done in those moments, is be more faithful and say God, I don’t know what to do. Will you help lead me? And then He comes up with solutions that you didn’t even know were possible! Trusting in God’s plan and being more in the moment have been huge lessens that I have learned. Be joyful when there is joy. And be sad when there is sadness. My mom was an accomplished worry-er. I was sort of like that, and then my husband had a heart attack.
So, yes, back to the heart attack. My husband is fine. Yes, he did have a heart attack. Yes, it was one of the scariest things we’ve been through. No, it was not the seizure that I was prepared to leap into action for. And yes, there was a lesson in it, just as there have been lessons sprinkled throughout my life.
9 of my most important beliefs and lessons learned on my journey…
It’s important to be kind.
It’s important for me to try to get to know people individually and not be judgmental.
It’s important to be a person of integrity.
Being authentic is important and it’s hard. It doesn’t help the circle that I am in if I can’t be authentic in it.
I fundamentally believe that we are here to connect with others.
I love a good french-fry and I love coffee. (Not really a belief or lesson, just thought I’d share - seemed appropriate - me being authentic!)
I do worry about things that never happen and the things that do happen, I don’t even know to worry about them. So I trust in God to give me the wisdom and the support and the comfort in the moment, to guide me and help get me through it.
I know that I am writing my story to share with other women. My hope is that you were able to see in yourself something similar or familiar that you were able to connect with or relate to in my story. It’s in the sharing of our stories that we find motivation and inspiration, hope and connection. I know I only listed seven of my beliefs/lessons above and I am two short. So here are the last two.
8. I want to be the type of grandmother that is available and able to play with my grandchildren some day. In order to do that, I have to be active and do something to keep it together, to keep myself mobile and alert. I can’t just wish for it or say I want it. I have to be the one to do it for myself.
9. I know that I don’t have to like it to do it. I do it for myself. Then I check the box!!