Finding My Voice and a Healthier Me
Blenda, Fit Chicks Movement Member
I used to be a softball player. I loved playing softball. My younger sister and I started playing softball when I was about 8. We always played on the same team. We played in junior high, high school and eventually joined a women’s league as adults. I played shortstop and she played third base. We played into adulthood and were fortunate enough to have the opportunity to play in the Peace Games in Scarborough - Canada. It was so much fun!
Who have I been in my life?
So, who am I? I was born in Princeton, Indiana, and grew up in Indianapolis. I am a sister. I am a former wife. I am a daughter. I am a mother to 2 wonderful grown children. I am a grandmother to my beautiful grandchildren. I have already told you my fondest memories of my childhood – playing softball. But what I have not shared with you yet, is my most favorite food in the whole, wide world. Can you guess? YEP … Bacon!! I am a bacon lover. I always have been. I am sad to say I recently had to give it up because of the sodium. It’s hard to give up things you love, but you learn. You receive knowledge about something that is causing you harm, and then you adjust so that “thing” doesn’t harm you anymore. I am doing well at managing that loss. But please go ahead and send a prayer up for me, because I still miss bacon, a lot.
I have learned quite a bit, over my years. I am on the other side of 50 and one thing I can say that has been wonderful, aside from my family and the friends who have come in and out of my life, is that I continue to learn, and I am conscious of those pivotal points when a big lesson comes. And I find appreciation in learning the lessen even when it is painful and even when it takes a while to come.
What has been hard?
I recently experienced a big lesson in my life. And it absolutely was a pivotal point. I’ll share it with you.
I was in a relationship with someone who had a strong personality. I did not voice my wants in this relationship, in part, because I think I may have learned not to express wants as I was growing up or maybe saw it somewhere in other relationships or thought, maybe that’s just how it should be between a man and a woman. The relationship was great in the beginning, but things started getting tough. His language toward me became harsh and demeaning. I found myself being even more accommodating and unable to discuss his harshness with him because he refused to hear what I had to say. He would take what I had to say and somehow turn it around on me to make it my fault. When I think about the hold this person had on me, it makes me angry at myself for letting it happen. I think I allowed it because I like being in relationships. I rationalized it by telling myself, “everyone has difficulties … and when you are in a relationship, you just have to go through some things. You just have to work harder to make it better” … and you hold out hope that it will get better.
It was not getting better. I was not in a good place. I finally decided to ask God to take away my pain. Over time, that is exactly what He did. Over a matter of months, there were two incidents that happened. After the second incident, I was able to speak up for myself and end the relationship.
What changed?
I changed. I decided from now on, I am going to do what makes me happy. I decided I am not going to break my schedule or change and alter my needs for someone else. I decided that I wanted to take care of myself first. I decided, in order for me to get healthier, and, for all of the goodness in life, that belongs to me, to come to me, I needed to take care of my mind and my body. It has always been my nature to take care of everyone else and then take care of me last. No more.
When I look back at the “me” who was in that relationship, I am not ashamed of her. I don’t hate her. I love her and respect her because she endured something that was painful and hard. She also transformed her thinking to pull herself out of an unhealthy situation. When I think about my future self and what I’d like my future self to remember, I want my future self to remember not to settle for anything. I want my future self to remember that my health and happiness matters and does not belong on the back of the shelf behind someone else’s. My health and happiness matter.
What do things look like for me now?
Even though I have a bit of a phobia around exercise because of a health scare, I have been walking with my sister when my schedule allows. I drink more water now than I ever have. (Shout out to Fit Chicks Movement!) I am more conscious of eating whole foods and I do eat whole foods a lot more. And I am more conscious of my mental health and getting rest because when I am rested, I have more of a desire to go walking and to do the things I know are good for me.
For anyone who is reading this, thank you for reading my story and what I would offer to other women on this journey of health and happiness is, YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR HAPPINESSS MATTER and does not belong on a shelf behind someone else’s. Put yours right up front and center. CHERISH IT AND PROTECT IT. And if anyone tries to move it out of the way, instead of coming alongside your health and happiness, then they are not the one.