I’M GIVING YOU 15 MINUTES TO CRY …

Kathy M.

I was the middle child in my family.  I had a brother who was eight years older and a sister who was two years younger than I was.  I loved riding bikes with my friends and was eager to participate in any game in the neighborhood.  I had insecurities, as most kids do, but as a kid, you don’t know that everyone has them.  My insecurities were mine, and they were uncomfortable and big.  I kept them hidden as much as possible because, … well, who really wants their insecurities on display and known by everyone, right?

My summers were spent in Minnesota with my grandparents.  Summers were filled with fishing in the morning and floating on a raft for the rest of the day with my nose buried in the latest book I was reading while soaking up warm sunny days.  Those summers were wonderful and easy, and I cherish them still.

I grew up and attended college, graduated, and landed my first job as an assistant teacher in Arizona.  I moved to Arizona in 1999.  I enjoyed living in Arizona.  I loved hiking Camel Back Mountain with friends. I also met my husband in Arizona.  We married, and I had my first son at 38 years old.  Two years later, I had my second son.  I had my dream job and was married with two boys.  I enjoyed raising my children.  I remember an incident as a young girl playing softball when I jammed my finger.  I cried and cried because it hurt so bad.  My father let me cry, and then after a while, he told me, “I’m giving you 15 minutes to cry, and then you are going to be done.”  I used this with my boys as they were growing up.  I didn’t realize at the time that the lesson he was teaching was that it’s okay to have our feelings and hurts, and it’s okay to sit with them and feel them.  AND ALSO, we can set them down when it’s time.  We can keep going, and we can carry on with our lives.

When my sons were 6 and 4 years old, I was diagnosed with Lupus.  This diagnosis did not come swiftly.  It took the doctors a long time to reach this diagnosis.  I had been to see doctors time and time again because I kept having these random fractures.  I received a referral to a specialist and was telling him about my multiple unexpected fractures, and he told me, “You are too young to have fractures happen like that.”  It was clear he had not read my chart.  Unfortunately, I had not yet found my voice at the time and found it difficult to advocate for myself.  Since then, I have found my voice, which is getting stronger and better at advocating for myself.

The news of the diagnosis was devastating.  I had to leave my dream job as a teacher to focus on my health.  But I am grateful for the lesson I learned from my father all those years ago.  I was able to sit with my pain and sadness around the diagnosis, leaving my dream job and having challenges that would prevent me from doing things with my kids.  And when it was time, I could move forward and see the blessings that came with it.  I could now stay home with my boys as they were growing up.  Even though I could not do everything with them on our adventures, I could still be there with them, and being there matters a lot.

My hope and message for any woman who reads my story is to take care of yourself. You can start wherever you are.  The key is to start.  Eat better and work your muscles.  Work to quiet that negative inner voice.  And always advocate for yourself with your doctor, no matter how big or small the concern.